It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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