It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
