Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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