Cold hands, warm shart.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
