I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize