Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
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I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
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I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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