We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
