Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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