you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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