just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
