out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
