I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
