Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
