I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
