my mouth tastes like poor choices
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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