I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
