I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
she peed on how many people?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
