Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Randomize
