just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
