I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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