I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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