We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
