I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
