when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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