We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
third nipple confirmed
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
