I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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