Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
