super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
