If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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