dude i'm inner monologue high
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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