Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
