You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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