I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
