I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I skipped work to stalk him.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
