Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
