Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You need Xanax blowdarts
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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