he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
