We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
