Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
