Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
