Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
