I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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