I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
