can we get nightvision for the apartment?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She announced her abortion via fbk
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
