Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
