I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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