Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
