8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
