Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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