Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
