We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
