So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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