Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
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Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
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you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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