too bad you live with your parents still
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
