chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Text me some of your sweat
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
