How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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