Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
