omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
