whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
