I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
i think i just lost a toe
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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