So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
