i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
